truth is- i can’t be with someone when i’m in shambles myself. i have a crutch, and for now, that’s enough- because i’m not strong enough for much more. 

however, at what cost is this sacrifice? what am i giving up? the last thing i wanted to lose was you. 

*edit- no, i don’t want to give up anything. but it’s hard for me to see reality because in my delusional mind, i have nothing left to give. it’s not devaluing you as a person, it’s a painful flaw in me. i wish you hadn’t given up, but how could i be so stupid to think i could keep something so precious, delicate like a flower, in my life while keeping it hidden away in my heart, lock and key where it could never see sunlight? how can anything flourish without sunlight? i wish that flower knew i only kept it tucked away so it couldn’t be taken from me.